Post-Breakup Apologies: Which One Are You Getting?
- Olga Geidane
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
Ah, the post-breakup apology - one of the most emotionally charged and, let’s be honest, often hilariously confusing experiences. One minute, they’re sorry. The next, they’re blaming you. Then they’re sorry again. And then they’re… dating someone new?
Not all apologies are created equal, and not everyone apologises in the same way or for the same reasons. Some are genuine, some are manipulative, and some are just… well, downright ridiculous.
So, let’s break it down: the types of post-breakup apologies, their typical timelines, what they really mean, and some real-life stories to help you spot them in action.
1. The “I was wrong, and I hope you’re okay” apology (weeks 1-4 post-breakup)
“I just wanted to reach out and say I’m really sorry for how things ended. I hope you’re doing okay.”
This is the rarest and most emotionally mature apology. This person has taken time to reflect, realises their mistakes, and genuinely wants to offer a heartfelt apology without expecting anything in return.
My client was shocked when her ex sent this message three weeks after their breakup. “I didn’t even know what to do with it,” she told me. “He wasn’t trying to get back together. He just wanted to apologise.” It gave her the closure she needed to move forward, and guess what? No drama followed. A true unicorn apology.
What it means:
They’ve accepted the breakup and genuinely care about your well-being. They may not want to rekindle the relationship, but they want to make peace.
How to handle it:
If you’re in a good place emotionally, you can acknowledge it and move on. No need for long conversations—just closure.
2. The “I miss you” apology (weeks 2-6 post-breakup, often at night)
“I can’t stop thinking about you… I regret everything.”
This one often comes in the form of a late-night text. It’s driven by loneliness, nostalgia, and sometimes a little bit of wine.
One of my clients, a high-level CEO, had an ex who would send these texts exclusively at 2 a.m. “She was perfectly fine all day, but the moment she saw a rom-com or had a glass of wine, boom—text from her.”
It was never about truly fixing things; it was about seeking comfort in a familiar place.
What it means:
They’re struggling to adjust to life without you. They may not actually want to fix things but just need reassurance that you still care.
How to handle it:
If you’re also missing them, it’s tempting to respond. But before you do, ask yourself: Do I really want to open this door again?
3. The “I’m sorry, but it was your fault” apology (weeks 3-8 post-breakup)
“I regret hurting you, but honestly, you weren’t always easy to be with either.”
Ah, the classic half-apology. This is where they say sorry, but instead of taking full responsibility, they subtly shift some of the blame onto you.
My client's ex sent her this exact message - right after she posted a glowing selfie on Instagram. Suddenly, he remembered all his regrets. Coincidence? I think not.
How to handle it:
Don’t get drawn into the trap. If they’re still shifting blame, it’s a clear sign they haven’t truly changed.
In many cases, these kinds of messages come from people with narcissistic tendencies—so stay alert and trust your instincts!
4. The “apologise-then-get-nasty” cycle (weeks 4-10 post-breakup, repeated in loops)
Step 1: “I’m so sorry, I regret everything, I miss you.”
Step 2: You don’t immediately take them back, and suddenly…
Step 3: “You know what? You never appreciated me anyway.”
Step 4: A few days later… “I’m really sorry for what I said before, I was just upset.”
This is the emotional rollercoaster apology—one minute, they’re deeply remorseful. The next, they’re attacking you. Then they feel guilty and apologise again.
My client fell into this cycle for months. “He’d cry on the phone, say he couldn’t live without me, and then call me selfish for not giving him another chance." The emotional whiplash was insane, and she really struggled!
How to handle it:
Break the cycle. If they’re flipping between apology and attack, they’re not genuinely sorry. Distance yourself.
So, what should you do when you get an apology?
Ask yourself: is this about them or about me?
Are they apologising because they genuinely want to make amends, or because they need something from you (attention, comfort, validation)?
Look at the timing.
A sincere apology usually doesn’t come immediately after a breakup. It comes after real reflection. If they’re apologising a few days or weeks after, it might just be guilt or loneliness talking.
Watch their actions, not just their words.
Anyone can say sorry. Real change is shown through consistent actions over time.
Decide what you need.
Do you need closure? Do you want to reopen the connection? Or is this a sign that it’s truly time to move on?
A sincere apology usually doesn’t come immediately after a breakup
Your next step: From Heartbreak to Happiness ❤️
If you’re finding yourself stuck in the endless loop of post-breakup apologies, it’s time to stop waiting for closure from them—and start creating it for yourself.
💖 From Heartbreak to Happiness is my transformative course designed to help you:
Break free from toxic relationship cycles
Heal from heartbreak and reclaim your self-worth
Attract the love you truly deserve
Don't take my word for it, here is what one of my clients said:
"Before taking this course, I was stuck in a never-ending loop with my ex. Every time he apologised, I got my hopes up, only to end up hurt again. This course helped me see my worth, heal deeply, and finally break free. Now, I’m in the healthiest relationship of my life—first with myself, and then with an amazing partner.” — Emily M.
Ready to move from heartbreak to happiness? Read more or sign up here: https://www.olgageidane.com/about-5-1
Sign up today and start your healing journey. You deserve better. You deserve love that doesn’t come with conditions, cycles, or midnight apologies.
At the end of the day, the most important apology is the one you give yourself—for the times you stayed too long, for the times you settled, and for the times you forgot your worth.
Now, go live your best life—and let the apologies fall where they may. 💛